I love films. I've loved the movies since as long as I can remember. An art form that combines all the others. An escape, a mirror, a portal to somewhere/ sometime/ someone else.

And I truly think most films, if not all are best experienced on a big screen.

Considering this, a film festival should ideally be an absolute treat.

But alas, they rarely are for me.

BQFF

Before this year, the only film festival I'd ever been to was the Bangalore Queer Film Festival. I've been attending it almost every year since 2016. I think the motivator here was more the queerness than the films, but it was still very wonderful. This is obviously a smaller festival, though it has grown leaps and bounds over the decade (heartwarming, and also frustrating. The audience grows, the venue size doesn't.) Still, the format of the festival is somewhat doable. You enter once, there's chairs and even gaddas on the floor if you wish to lie down. And then, you watch. It's a single-screen event. Back-to-back films -- feature-length interspersed with short films. Oh and there's a designated lunch break for everyone. Of course you're free to walk out or walk back in whenever you like, though in recent years this has become quite difficult. Long lines, stuffy screening areas with no room, cramped seating. YIKES.

BIFFes

I had the pleasure of attending the Bangalore International Film Festival this weekend for the first time, at the suggestion of film club friends. Just the thought of it filled me with dread and anxiety -- my past experience taught me that these things can be quite exhausting. The logistics and planning. YIKES! Still, the lineup of films was interesting and I gave in to the desire of watching worthwhile things on the big screen. Upon reaching the venue (Lulu Mall -- another big yikes -- but my hatred of malls and cinemas being in them in India is a topic for another day), I soon realized this might just be as bad if not worse than I anticipated. I made it to my first film, but soon realized that attending any screening, not just the ones you want requires waiting in long lines, sometimes for 40-50 minutes with the hope of getting in. The schedule is also overlapping -- you have to leave one film halfway through to be able to get in line for another one. The first time I was turned away from a screening for being "late" (I was technically not), I felt the enthusiasm dissipate. A real buzz kill. Over the two days that I managed to attend, I caught 2-3 of the 6 films (which according to me was a manageable, realistic number to aim for) I wanted to watch. I spent most of my time loitering around the mall, zoning out or crocheting in a pub, or at my worst -- eating in the food court. Did I mention there's no lunch breaks?

My Gripe with Film Festivals

Watching Cinema Is Not an Endurance Sport

This might just be me, but there is just no way one can truly process any piece of art -- especially long-form -- in a short time. Let alone, in close succession. Films are a medium packed with communication and meaning. A good one, or at least one that I like, will initially just wash over me. A wave of feelings that are felt not just in my mind, but in my body.

I was quite the pretentious teenager, always ready to jump to meanings and compartmentalize information in a "structured" way. Essentially, running to intellectualize the film in front of me. Make sense of it as quickly and academically as possible. This to me, was a sign of 'intelligence' (LOL). But as I grow older, I have made a conscious effort to try and move away from this approach. I try to turn off my cognitive mind, especially if I'm watching something for the first time, and just be with the film. If I can't internalize the meaning of a piece of art, if I can't stay with it long enough to try and truly understand the intention, and also my perception of it, question and unpack that perception, what's the point.

I run a film club where we have discussions right after the film. We do take a short 5 minute break before this, but to me, that isn't nearly long enough. Now, I understand the constraints of the format and that we have a limited time at the venue and people have work the next day yada yada. Doesn't change the fact that I still find it frustrating at times.

In the context of a film festival, especially one as busy and dare I say, chaotic as BIFFes, these issues are amplified. Films are not content to be consumed. Running from one film to the next almost feels like a disservice to the piece. I feel as though I am unable to sit with my feelings and think deeper about what I just watched.

Accessibility Isn't Even An Afterthought

In the case of BQFF, there are some attempts to make the festival accessible to people with disabilities. But at BIFFes, I saw barely any attempts to make this happen. I did see one elderly gentleman in a wheelchair, being navigated through the large crowd. However, there were plenty of elderly people in long lines for ages, and I couldn't help but wonder how they managed it. I myself do not have a visible disability, but do struggle with chronic fatigue and a knee injury. The long lines made me feel dizzy, exhausted, and completely disengaged from the film when I finally got to enter the auditorium. No wonder there were so many people sleeping and snoring during the films. If only they made the festival more flexible, spaced out, and accessible for all kinds of people with different needs, maybe we could actually engage and interact with the art before us, as opposed to struggle to "consume" and retain it.

I recently came across an Instagram page for RestFest, a film festival aimed at people with disabilities, chronic illness, and neurodivergence. It is hosted online, and you can essentially attend it from your bed. Now of course, the tickets are in dollars and I can't afford them right now, but just the thought that something like this exists is quite comforting to me.

I hope in the future, we work towards making film festivals more inclusive and intentional. Till then, I will attend them exhausted and with gritted teeth.

P.S. i have finally figured out how to add headings and do some basic text formatting on this platform. Wheeeeeee! cartwheel emoji