Ah another week blurred right past me. A rather emotionally exhausting one.
I did get to meet my cousins though -- they're in town. One of them broke her leg so I went and spent some time with her twice this week. I love spending time with them.
I also stepped out a couple of times this week, but for some reason it feels like it was less than usual. This could just be my perception though, I don't know. Or maybe I've been trying to be a bit more intentional or slower with the time I do spend at home. I've been feeling slower in general -- heavy.
I went out with Josh to run some errands on Thursday, which was so needed. We also grabbed breakfast and went shopping. I bought far too many books ooof. But hey it's nice to be reading again. My brain is able to do it right now, and more than anything it wants to -- so I'm giving it what it wants. I think the crocheting also helped me slow down a bit. The brain knows when to switch to which setting I suppose. I've also gone back to my old hack -- starting a twitch stream while I do stuff. Phone usage is on the decline!!
I finished my first book of the year.
I liked it for the most part and could relate to some things, By the end, the tone got a little annoying for me. But I'm glad I read it.
I also finally finished my old journal. That means I got to decorate my new one! Exciting but also so anxiety inducing. I feel like I was so attached to the old one, and it feels strange to shift to a new one -- all these blank pages awaiting new horrors in writing.
Funnily enough, ever since I switched, I've been avoiding journaling. I think there is far too much going on in my life... in my brain... that just the thought of writing it down is exhausting.
Maybe that's why I'm choosing to write something here instead. Its lower stakes. And I can still pat myself on the back for documenting -something-.
We had an ADHD Queeple meet up this Sunday, and it was lovely seeing everyone. Most of all, I enjoyed a space where I could just -be- and felt no pressure to perform or be something or someone. And Agu's hugs go straight to my soul.
I also happened to go to a gig this weekend. After ageeees. It was terrible. I was disappointed. I wanted to dance but the music sucked and I just didn't feel it. No amount of overpriced cocktails could change that.
There were points this week where I felt like I wouldn't make it through. It's been rough and it's only going to get worse. My therapist has told me to step out of the house more often. Gurl if only you could fund me sitting at a cafe all day. But other than these really really distressing moments, I've been quietly sad. And yeah, slow. Spending quiet time by myself.
Is the slowness a -good- thing? Is it here to stay? (I doubt it) but I like the fact that I am feeling. Even though what I'm feeling is awful. At least I'm not running away from it right now.