No journal entries so far. Yikes. Many big cries. Also, many big laughs. Bad brain days, doable brain days. Immense envy of people who have interests and motivations for worldly things. I wish I could just think about outer space or some shit and leave it at that. I guess I can. Just can't access it right now. RAT NAO!
Must not must myself into thinking I must be a certain way.
I had therapy today, which is why I think I have some perspective. As opposed to big, bad, guilt and shame feeling. Yikes! It's quite heartbreaking when you think about it. That a nervous system is shaped by how you were treated when you were younger -- preverbal, in my case, as my therapist puts it. And now I must just... live with that.
I hate that so many mental health terms have become buzz words these days. 'Complex trauma' has lost its zing. LOL.
Not zing, rather, the weight behind it. We use it so often and don't take the time to fully feel how fucked up that is. Well that's what I'm doing now. Less labelling. More fully feeling. But also not feeling so much that I drown.
Watching films again and enjoying them. Woohoo! Watched an especially adorable queer short called 'Sew into you'. Very precious.
No real 'cooking' as such -- just many fried eggs and toast. Which is honestly a lot given the circumstances. It's the thought that counts.
Working on a crochet project -- eyeballing it from a pinterest image, no pattern. I'm pretty happy with what I've done so far, but I seem to be losing steam. Dangerous!!!
In my 2 years of crocheting, I have abandoned only around 3 projects. I pride myself on that. I have powered through some comparatively big ones in the past. I am conjuring the focus to DO THE DAMN THING!!! It will be so adorable once it's done.
Also, I met my cousin for a bit again before she left for college. She was talking about how you just don't get good dosas in Bombay. I realized how often I take my dosa for granted. So when I went for a dosa alone on Sunday, I made sure to savour it.